How To Misuse Slang 101
by Please.Insert.Name
Summary: What else did Harry use the diary for in CoS and how will it change events...
1. Chapter 1

**Hey this came into my head and I just couldn't resist writing it *giggles*, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.**

**Please read and review**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter sadly :(**

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Harry looked at the dog-earred diary and smirked. He'd discovered that held the memory of Tom Marvolo Riddle and that whenever he wrote in it Tom would write back. Picking up his quill he sat in front of the Common Room fireplace and proceeded to write:

_Harry: Sup Tom?_

_Tom: I am not familiar with the term sup to what are you refering to?_

_Harry: It means hello Tom. _Honestly this was too easy.

_Tom: How was your day? Did you do much?  
_

_Harry: I did fuck all what with the restrictions since the attacks._

_Tom: I am afraid I am not familiar with the term fuck either._

_Harry: It means enjoy._

_Tom: Ah, have you heard any leads about the attacks Harry?_

_Harry: Nah and the rumours are a load of shit, that means fun by the way._

_Tom: Do you know what Dumbledore plans to do?_

_Harry: I'm afraid I have no idea, I better get to bed the last time I stayed out late there were some awkward questions._

Harry left the Common Room trying not to laugh, when he'd first discovered the diary he had asked about the attacksnand found out about Hagrid. However upon seeing that Tom knew no modern dialect what with being 50 years old his maurauder side couldn't let this opportunity go. After changing into his pyjamas he climbed into his bed looking forward to another round of Tom teasing the next night.

The next day however these plans were cancelled as Neville ran up to him telling him that his trunk had been ransacked. Upon searching he noticed the diary was gone.

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(Ginny POV)

Sitting down in her dormitory she breathed a sigh of relief. She had done it, retrieved what was fast becoming the bane of her existence. feverishly she grabbed a quill desperate to be reunited with Tom:

_Ginny: Tom are you okay?_

_Tom: Sup I've been fucking myself when talking to Harry._

_Ginny: What?_

_Tom: Yes it was really quite shit._

Ginny put down the diary sure the sleep deprivation was being to get to her._  
_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey janelly49 gave me the idea of continuing this to see how Harry's tricks altered the confrontation between him and Tom. This intrugued me so I have tried my best to write it, please give me feedback and if you have any suggestions do not hesitate to tell me them :)**

**DISCLAIMER: I am NOT a 45 year old woman!**

**I apologise for any spelling/grammer mistakes**

**Please read and review :D**

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Harry entered the chamber warily. Looking around he saw snakes were carved into the pillars that held up the roughly crafted ceiling. At the end of the chamber there was a statue to Salazar Slytherin. The man was completely bald and had a long beard that spilled down his marble robes. All in all it would have been an impressive sight if he never looked a lot like a bald, stone Santa.

Edging closer to the statue Harry saw Ginny's still form lying in a puddle of water. Upon closer inspection she was pale and felt as cold as the ice water that trickled down the walls. Knowing that someone had brought her down here Harry called out.

"Hello someone called a plumber."

A young, handsome, dark haired man stepped out from behind one of the pillars.

"Great! That trickling has been doing my head in" he remarked not looking at Harry but pulling at a loose thread on his robes.

Harry froze as the figure come closer. What was Tom Riddle doing in Hogwarts?

Deciding to play it casual he greeted him with a simple: "Sup Tom."

"Oh sup Harry" said Tom looking up "I was wondering when you would come. Its been hard to fuck myself without you being here."

"Oh really?" said Harry trying not to laugh.

"Yes it hasn't been very shit."

Tom clearly thought that he was being modern and Harry felt a surge of pity for the boy. After all hadn't Dumbledore always taught him that honesty was the best policy?

"Erm Tom?"

"Yes Harry?"

"Well I kinda told you the wrong meaning behind those words." At this Tom's eyes flashed dangerously.

"Go on" prompted the heir.

"Well 'fuck' can be another word for sex and 'shit' means awful or something along those lines" said Harry, attempting damage control.

Tom's magic swirled round him as his anger built.

"You mean to tell me that you made a fool of Lord Voldemort?" hissed the future Dark Lord.

"What! You are Snake-Face! Oh shit, fuck, bugger, arse and all his apostles!" cursed Harry trying to find a way to escape Tom's wrath.

"Well then since you do not deny it you will have to be taught a lesson." his voice was dangerously sweet and sent a shiver down Harry's spine.

Tom began to hiss, gazing up expectantly at his ancestor. At this Harry watched as a basilisk came out of the stone founder's mouth.

Seeing the huge snake lunge for him Harry's only thought was _"Crap! Maybe honesty isn't always the best tactic"_


End file.
